Een goede vraag over huiselijke discipline is waarom een vrouw hieraan begint. Een dergelijke relatie is intens en vereist veel inspanning, kennis en communicatie om die gezond te houden.

De volgende tekst is een vertaling van de oorspronkelijke posting.

Een belangrijke vraag over Huiselijke Discipline

“Een zorg die ik heb is over hoe een vrouw dit soort relaties aangaat. Ik denk dat je jezelf echt moet kennen, respecteren en waarderen voordat je de stappen zet naar een DD of HOH relatie. Je moet goed weten waar je voor staat om je grenzen en mogelijkheden te kennen. Om te weten wat goed en fout is voor jou.”

“Een DD relatie lijkt heel intens en vergt veel inspanning, kennis en communicatie om gezond te zijn. De eerste stap moet zijn dat je zelf behoorlijk gezond bent. Ik zeg dit omdat ik geloof dat een vrouw zonder gevoel van eigenwaarde of zelfvertrouwen onderdeel kan worden van een gewelddadige relatie in plaats van een DD relatie.

***Jullie vragen weerspiegelen echt de intelligentie die ten grondslag ligt aan het concept van een dominante huishouding, maar dat betekent niet dat de onderdanige geen partner in het huis is. Veel van de DD of HOH relaties die ik ken, die echt werken, hebben een zeer intelligente en zelfverzekerde vrouw, evenals een rustige, zelfverzekerde en dominante man (de meeste van mijn counseling is met mannelijke geleide koppels – maar er zijn ook veel FLR – Female Led Relationships -, ik verwijs alleen maar naar mijn ervaringen).

De eerste en belangrijkste stap, en meestal waar ik bij betrokken ben, is dat dit in het begin een wederzijds overeengekomen stap is en dat er toestemming wordt gegeven aan de dominante partij dat discipline deel uitmaakt van de relatie. De vrouwen die ik ken die het meeste uit dit soort relaties halen vertrouwen in de man of vriend om te helpen voorkomen dat ze de controle verliezen, het in balans houden, en het begrijpen van dit is ook een grote vorm van communicatie en zorgzaamheid.

Op je tweede vraag – je hebt helemaal gelijk, en waar billenkoek of DD verkeerd gebruikt wordt, is als vrouwen met een laag gevoel van eigenwaarde of geen respect voor zichzelf een relatie aangaan met een gewelddadige man – en zich laten overtuigen dat ze verdienen wat ze krijgen – wat absoluut verkeerd is. De rol van de onderdanige is om te behagen, om te begrijpen hoe ze zichzelf moet ondersteunen en hanteren. De rol van de dominante partij is om dat vertrouwen dagelijks te verdienen, om te doen wat nodig is om de harmonie in het huis te bewaren – en bovenal, vertrouwen en zorg voor de onderdanige. Tenzij er behoefte was aan een “lik op stuk” straf (besproken als iets dat plotseling onstaat en niet getolereerd moet worden, zoals vloeken in het bijzijn van de kinderen, zichzelf of haar partner vernederen, dat soort dingen) , vind ik de beste manier om hier mee om te gaan regelmatig geplande disciplinaire sessies. Mensen noemen dit ook wel Onderhoudsdicipline.

Zoals hierboven beschreven – een dag en tijdstip zou worden ingepland, waarop zonder aarzeling discussies, beslissingen, straf en vervolgens troost en ontspanning gaan plaatsvinden. Soms was er dan het volgende niveau van communicatie fysieke seks – wat niet altijd het beste is, tenzij je een onderhoudsschema hebt. Ik zou beginnen met over de knie, dan slipje naar beneden, verbale en zelfs in de hoek staan – en dan uit moeten kleden (alhoewel ik haar graag een vrouwelijk gevoel had met kousen en hakken) en dan een laatste hardere afstraffing om het punt duidelijk te maken, bijvoorbeeld met een leren riem. Altijd eindigen met troost en zorgzaamheid en haar vertellen dat je trots op haar bent. Dat ze een goede meid was om haar straf zo goed op te nemen.

Ik hoop dat dat helpt bij de vragen.

Eerder gepubliceerd op het Daphne Fotoblog op 31 december 2015.

Een vrouw legt hieronder uit hoe ze Domestic Discipline ziet.

I am asked this from time to time, and I just want to go on the record to say yes I believe it is perfectly within the husband’s rights to spank his wife. And the wife should remain still and obedient for any spanking her husband gives her.

I am not saying it is okay for a man to beat a woman, on the contrary a woman should not ever let herself be beaten out of anger or hatred.  A man should never hit a woman in the face with a closed or open hand, for that matter should never strike her in any way other than on her bottom or backs of legs.  

My personal belief the wife should only be spanked or whipped in the traditional method.  Spankings are given with the open hand or an implement suited for this job such as a wooden paddle, wooden spoon, hairbrush, or possibly a rubber soul slipper.  Whippings should be administered with tools such as a leather strap/belt, switch, rattan cane or any suitable flexible rod, however he must show caution when using such implements.  

The point of any physical punishment is to correct a certain behavior or attitude not just to beat her.  The wife should certainly expect to have redness, welts, bruises and other marks on her bottom but it should never break the skin, and if it does then it should stop immediately.

Other areas a husband has the right to punish his wife is striking the palms of her hands are soles of her feet with an appropriate implement.  But this should only be done to correct attempts at stopping spankings, such as putting her hands in the way or kicking her feet in the path.  Putting her hand on her bottom during a spanking is not only an act of defiance but can be quite dangerous if her husband does not react in time possibly striking her fingers with an implement.

The wife should always be spanked on her bare bottom never over clothing or panties.  It is also within her husband’s rights to have her completely undress for punishment.  It’s my personal belief that the wife should always be completely naked to receive her spanking. I also feel she should undress herself and stand naked before him as a sign of obedience and acceptance.  However this should never be done in front of anyone but her husband.  If the husband chooses to have witnesses only the portion of her bottom that is to be spanked should be visible.  The husband must protect his wife’s modesty.

Husband and wives will argue and always have difference of opinions.  This is to be expected husband should not be quick to spank his wife over an argument on what is the best yogurt or where they should go for dinner.  Spanking should only be given when a defiant attitude, deliberate disobedience, or putting herself into danger is apparent.  And if a situation arises were punishment has been earned than the husband should not shy away from a ministering a painful spanking for correction.  

As the wife you should not expect to be spanked for silly things like not calling him Sir or having dinner ready at certain time.  Your relationship should be one of loving and understanding, however if your husband decides to spank you for whatever reason, you should immediately stop talking and showed no signs of defiance.  I can tell you girls from experience that many times my mentor chose not to spank me because I stopped talking and stood patiently in front of him waiting for his instructions.  He saw this as an obedient action and saw no further reason to a minister punishment.  

However if you are going to be spanked, except this fact and do whatever you can to ensure the spanking is effective and as it should be painful.  Once you are told to get ready stop whatever you’re doing, undress herself putting your clothing away neatly and out of sight.  Present yourself to him in the standard fashion or ritual which is commonly used in your relationship.  Without argument or discussion allow yourself to be placed into the position he prefers, making sure your bottom is in the proper position and can be easily smacked.  

Do not tense up trying to keep your bottom as relaxed as possible to ensure that each swat will give the maximum amount of stinging.  Tensing your bottom may reduce the stinging you feel at the time, but can clause deeper tissue bruising and longer discomfort.  Whimpers, yelps, and crying is expected and you should not hold back these emotions.  However never talk or beg during the spanking.  The time for that had passed once your husband ordered you to prepare yourself.  

If you’re to be whipped, again prepare yourself in the standard rituals for your relationship. Bend over an object, or touch your toes accordingly making sure your feet are apart so you can comfortably bend forward and arch your back so your bottom will be at the highest point.  Find a comfortable place for your hands to hold onto.  Such as the chair legs, grasping your ankles, or fingers under your toes and tell yourself that your hands are fastened to that location and cannot possibly move.  If you can convince yourself of this you have a greater chance of not trying to interrupt your correction.  This may have gotten a little longer than I intended, but to recap – yes I believe the husband have the right to spank his wife.

(Bron foto: realspankings)

Eerder gepubliceerd op het Daphne Fotoblog op 3 januari 2015.

Een mooi verhaal van een vrouw die vertelt waarom ze aan Huiselijke Discipline doet , wat voor soort vrouw ze wil zijn, bij wat voor soort man ze zich op haar gemak voelt en waarom ze op haar billen krijgt als ze dat verdient.

There are those that categorize Domestic Discipline as abuse – but to the couples that have made the joint decision to have these roles in the house – they are amazed at the transformation. Many men fail at this transition as they worry the woman will “break” and are not firm enough.

Some wont understand the correlation between the first picture and the second one. How can one who is tired, grumpy, out of sorts, tired of all the stress – be disciplined to tears last night – and then be waiting in morning, cleansed, happy, and wanting to please. To those who understand and have made this part of your home – well done.

Here is a great post by Elaina:

What I want a my domestic discipline to do for us

The Wife, Mother, Sister, Daughter, Woman that I want to be –

I want to be gracious, not only under pleasant circumstances, but most importantly during times of stress and frustration. I want to be admired by those who not only know me best, but also by those people who have only just met me. I want to be remembered as generally happy and polite. Most importantly I want to be calm and consistent when life gets crazy. When circumstances feel like they’re spiraling out of control, I want to be able to be strong, stand tall, and smile (appropriately), because getting upset and acting rashly only makes a stressful situation that much more stressful. I want to have this demeanor so much of the time that people around me notice it. I want to avoid rash emotional reactions that will inevitably lead to embarrassment and apologies.

I want to have a home that is well kept, clean and orderly. I don’t ever want to be embarrassed if someone shows up on my doorstep un-expectedly. I want to smile, open the door and invite them in with peace in my mind because I know that my house is clean. This is also true of how I want to feel about my car. I want to have pride in the things I own, by taking care of them. I want other people to notice, that although I may not have the most expensive things, they are nice and well cared for.

I never want to have an argument or cross words with my husband in front of other people. It makes me very uncomfortable when couples argue in front of me and I would hate to do that to someone else.

It’s important to me, to be responsible with money and budget. I do not want to be worried or stressed about paying a bill. I want to have money in the bank to handle emergency situations. I want to be able to delay gratification, and shop smart, not purchase things impulsively. Ideally, I want to have one year’s salary saved in the bank.

I want to obey my Husband. I want to marry a man that I know will always have the best interest of our family as his number one priority. As long as I know that in my heart, then being an obedient wife should never be a problem. I do not ever want to hide things from my husband, or tell half truths. I want him to be proud of me, proud to have me as his wife. I never want to embarrass my husband or my family by my actions.

I want all of this to be true about me. I want it to be who I am. I want it to be what I do. I want it to be so frequent and common that everyone around me knows it to be true. Of course, I realize that nobody is perfect, but I honestly believe that the harder you try the closer you can become.
What is it going to take for me to be who I want to be? It’s going to take a truly amazing husband. It is going to take a man that shares all of these same values. A husband that is striving to be the best man he can possibly be, as I strive to be the best woman I can be.

I need him to know me extremely well. Almost well enough to know what I’m thinking or how I’m feeling before I think it or feel it. He doesn’t have to be psychic; he just has to pay attention. I want him to notice a slight change in body language or tone of voice, so that he can read my emotions. He needs to know what feelings or thoughts are going to affect my behavior and be able to talk to me about it before I go off course. He needs to lovingly hold me to the standards that we have agreed are important to both of us, and he needs to accept nothing less.

I need him to be strong and un-wavering, as well as thoughtful and considerate. When a problem occurs, he has to be able to think about the situation calmly. When he’s done that, I need him to act, and hopefully, whenever possible, improve the outcome. If I am the one that is behaving in a way that is taking me, or the family, further from our desired direction, then he would need to put a stop to that behavior immediately, so that it doesn’t unravel into something with great consequences. With thoughtful, considerate, and loving discipline I truly think that I can learn from my mistakes, and continue on to make better choices and decisions.

When I have a husband that is willing and capable of providing me with the strength, love and guidance that I need, in order to become the woman I want to be, I owe him my respect. Showing him respect, not only for the man he is, but also for our relationship. Showing him respect, shows respect for our shared philosophy. That man that I am asking him to be must be at his best, and constantly making sure that he is acting out of love and looking out for the best interest of our family. That is a lot to ask of one person, it’s a big responsibility. Because he is willing to this for us, in return I need to be respectful. I need to address him as Sir, and not argue with him or disobey him. I have asked him to lead me, and at times carry me; if I trust him enough to do that then I should trust him enough to be respectful and obedient. When I disrespect him, I disrespect myself, our relationship, and our philosophy as well.

I understand that I am inherently female. I am feminine in almost every way, with a female brain. My natural instinct is to respond to life emotionally. I feel secure with my emotions; after all they are what make a woman. I do however realize, that being too emotional, or acting solely on emotions, is not going to lead to a positive outcome. This is where I really need my husband to step up to the plate, so to speak. It is crucial that he is able to lead our family with his head first, followed extremely closely by his heart. He must not be manipulated by my emotional state, he must however, be understanding of it. He has to be 100% certain of the direction we are going. If he is not, he has to be able to recognize that and take a moment to analyze what is going on and gather his thoughts. After he has done so, we as a couple, can “re-group”, and get back on the same page.
We will both make mistakes, we are human. What is most important is that we acknowledge them when they occur, and we learn from them. In order to be the woman that I want to be, I need love, accountability, guidance, and discipline. I truly believe that having common goals, and working together to achieve them, will result in a very happy marriage, and a very happy life.

Source: http://ddandotheradventures.blogspot.com/

Eerder gepubliceerd op het Daphne Fotoblog op 25 december 2014.